When was the last time that somebody listened to you? Now, I don’t mean listening to you while they’re scrolling on their phone but looked you in the eye with 100% attention and gave you some time to say something.
The following is pretty obvious in today's culture: listening is at an all-time low. In-depth conversations are hard to come by and a good listener is even more rare. With everyone having their own opinions validated on social media, we create our echo chambers where we think people are listening to us and agreeing with us.
For me, it’s becoming frightening to see the discipline of listening fading away. The old saying goes people won’t remember what you said but they’ll always remember how you made them feel. In the trades, it’s often hard to give people your full attention because there’s so much going on and things change so quickly but I encourage you to give yourself some breathing room and to be an active and engaged listener.
Think of listening as a superpower. I realized the power of listening recently because of my wife. Whenever she would say something I would try to come up with solutions, but she wasn’t looking for solutions. She was just looking for somebody to listen to. Has this ever happened to you?
Sometimes our listening skills are the way we want to be listened to. If you listen to people and always try to solve their problems, although your motives may be pure it shows the other person you’re an ineffective listener. It shows them you might not care about their situation as much as you care about making sure your voice is heard by them.
Here are a couple of practical steps to become an active and engaged listener.
Put down your phone and look at the person in the eye. Most people are right-eye dominant so looking into their right eye shows engagement.
Instead of thinking about what you’re going to say when they’re done talking, listen. Take a couple of breaths before responding. It shows that you are putting thought into the relationship rather than just spewing out the first thing that comes to mind.
Don’t say "yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah" but instead nod your head up and down three times in a row slowly and say "mmhmm", this will show that you’re not rushing the conversation and letting it happen more naturally
I love this quote from the book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”
When I say empathic listening, I mean listening with the intent to understand. I mean seeking first to understand. It’s an entirely different paradigm. - Stephen R Covey
Did you catch that? Listening isn't just waiting to respond with what you want to say. Listening is making sure the other person feels heard. It's a great way to live- listen with the intent to understand.
And I'm going to end this blog with a cheesy thing I saw on Facebook:
“When the two ears are put side by side it forms the shape of the heart.
Interestingly, the word 'ear' sits right in the middle of the word 'heart' (h-ear-t). The ear is the way to the heart so if you want someone's heart, learn to listen to them.”
The challenge for the week;
Bite your tongue and listen to someone you don't see eye to eye with. Listen with the the intent to understand.
See you in the pit!!
Comments